It is amazing how nourishing a conversation can be.
A chance to connect, share, be heard, be understood. This is hardly surprising, since I was listening to a TED talk today, talking about a 75 year study of 600 men that have been studied from age 19, that has confirmed that health, happiness and success in life is directly proportionate to the quality of your relationships. And of course without connection and conversation, there is no relationship.
In fact, the deeper and more genuine the conversation that exists between people, the more alive we feel.
Can you relate? That sweet invisible sense that it is ALL worth it.
On Valentines day, I received my dosage of connection through post it notes placed on my bathroom mirror. WORDS, rather than a face to face conversation…..but their three sweet faces sat quietly and watched every one of my responses and reactions!
One post it said “I strive to have your level of perseverance”, and another said, “We all rely on your empathy”.
It melted my heart to know what type of “message” my presence had imprinted on their hearts. “You never give up” was shared by all three kids, in their individual handwriting, and best of all was to read ” You’re our fearless leader”! I cried and cried with amazement at how they had chosen to express their love on that day.
My tears expressed the communication back! The flow of energy had been returned to them.
- WORDS ON PAPER CAN MEAN SO MUCH, ESPECIALLY WHEN HAND SCRIBED. Use of Emotional phrases is the most divine and effective way of making a heart connection, and of course the personal touch of using handwriting, makes everything feel more authentic.
But what about physical conversations? Our son had been here for reading break, and yet it felt odd because we had not had a chance for a one-on-one meaningful conversation until seven days later. The sort of chat that nurtures your soul! As soon as that opportunity arose, I experienced a sense of contentment and blissed out relaxation within. Nothing more was necessary.
I knew he was okay. I knew he was in a good place. He knew I was there right by his side. He knew how I had been doing. We both enjoyed each other’s successes and dramas. We both trusted and respected each others journeys.
- ONE-ON-ONE face to face CONVERSATION GIVES US LIFE! (and helps us to thrive, trust each other, know we have our back covered and sends “good feel factor” chemicals to our brains)
Later on, I had beautiful conversations with four new people, connections that felt sweet, because I got to share and exchange words about evolving beyond sabotaging imprints, consciousness and transformation! I was filled with subtle peaceful joy, and sheer delight that they came into my world, since they had given me a chance to talk about my favourite topic. There is no greater privilege. As I answered their questions, I felt uplifted.
- DISCUSSIONS ABOUT THE TOPICS WE “LOVE” UPLIFT US! IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THAT IS CARS, CURRENT AFFAIRS, SPORTS, SPIRITUALITY… is just needs to be a topic we love to engage in and again our connection with another feels special in the process.
But in normal day to day exchanges, how much of our conversation is completely honest? How much do we trust the people around us? When we say, “How are you”, do we really want to know the real answer?
Can we call a spade a spade?
Are we polite? Is it a priority to people please or to be real?
Can we say “no”?Do we judge and separate?
Are we withdrawn? shy? insincere? scared? or even confused?
Do we get angry? get hurt? become resentful?
Are we fake?
In our world, in order to fit in, it can become easy to “think one thing” and “say another”. Fear holds each of us back from expressing heart felt truths.
But these type of conversations flow with an edge in them, leaving behind a feeling of emptiness and an unsettled sense. Inevitably the opportunity for a real connection has been lost but instead something is felt incomplete inside.
Today, as I have matured the world feels safer and brighter when people are willing to be engaged in authentic conversation. When we are upfront, our connection becomes stronger in the process. It is clear that by protecting our vulnerabilities, we stop our chance to see the commonalities with one another and our guardedness maintains boundaries that don’t serve us in the long run.
However illogical it might seem, exposing our vulnerabilities actually leads to better understanding, empathy, warmth and unity.
- EXPOSING OUR VULNERABILITIES CAN LEAD TO UNITY/CONNECTION, as understanding and compassion regarding our vulnerabilities unifies us through an open heart.
Today I would rather a frank and direct conversation that shares someone’s truth, than to feel the invisible daggers of inauthenticity. I know it can be difficult to say no, but it is better expressed than to be hidden. If we genuinely care for another, we would call them out on their nonsense, so that they can evolve past their stuck place. This is no different to how we canvass self love.
We have to expose our blindspots first, if we have any chance to catch them and move beyond them. All transcendence comes by first seeing “what is”.
- EVEN ARGUMENTS, however uncomfortable, EXPOSE OUR BLINDSPOTS, AND THESE IN TURN, IF MANAGED WITH SELF RESPONSIBILITY, CAN LEAD TO GREATER AUTHENTICITY
The idea of engaging in conflict can be scary and we often go to great measures to avoid it. However, when the fear to engage in conflict leaves us swallowing back hurt, our own health is at risk because of feelings unexpressed.
When we begin to expose our feelings, we might initially burn a few bridges but we also claim back more of ourselves in the process. During arguments our truths, however much misplaced, get revealed.
As soon as they are revealed, they have a chance to be healed too, especially if they are sabotaging the quality of our existence! We have to be willing to take responsibility for our creation, and turn into light any part that makes up our shadow personality. It is such a crying shame when many misunderstandings stay unresolved inside us as invisible programs, because of a lack of conversation!! And a lack of conversation means a lack of connection and in turn a lack of relationship too…
Without conversation, assumptions are made, judgments are made, divisions created and opportunities to say sorry are lost.
Today I had a conversation with my daughter through body language initially, then through text, and finally through emotional connection when our vulnerabilities were finally exposed. There was nothing left unsaid, even though some of it was unpalatable, and each of us walked away feeling as though we were on the same page! The connection was real…and at this point no more words were required and each of us retained our integrity.
But when someone holds back their hurt, dismay, and misunderstanding, as Miguel Ruiz, states in his book called the four agreements, assumptions often bear no resemblance to the reality or the facts. He urges us not to make assumptions but instead to be impeccable with our word….express but with honesty.
- SUPPRESSION LEADS TO DIVISION THAT COULD (and must) BE AVOIDED, if our lives are to improve and if our society is to become a bigger AUTHENTIC, CONNECTED human family.
When repression is lifted off our collective human psyche, greater explosions of joy and light within us have a chance to emerge! Our better human connection would automatically want to be celebrated. More of our time will be spent cherishing life, and less in separation and judgment. As we each keep our heart open, we make room for more to keep their heart open too.
Individually, we each can do our bit towards becoming more authentically expressive. As we do, our human family grows and extends. We all get to discover sooner or later that we were protecting parts of ourselves that were irrelevant by judging one another. We will all discover that there are more things in common with our fellow travellers than we can imagine.
We all get to discover that what we see in another, is actually our own face…we see competitiveness when we are competitive, we see jealousy when we are jealous, we see insincerity when we are insincere.
It takes moral courage to call someone out on their game! That may alienate us in the short- term but in the end, everyone knows truth, even if it pinches a little, and we get respected for being impeccable with our word.
None of us want to be hurt. We all want to belong. None of us want to be alienated. We all want to feel nurtured, understood, accepted and loved in our choices. The harder each of us try to overcome our fears, and the closer we come to our innocence, AND we find that we want the best for one another. As this happens the easier we find it to be human and share our journey with our friends and family.
