Happy Children: 3 Keys to Great Communication.
1.Vulnerability to Love Wholeheartedly: The Heart
It is really difficult as parents to acknowledge our vulnerable moments in a safe way. We are the authority and our vulnerability can be frightening for our children to fully understand. If we worry too much about their welfare, they close the door to honest communication with us. They already recognize our “hotspots” and “triggers”, as they know us more intimately than we ever give them credit.
We have been sending silent hidden messages ever since our children were born. Every moment of irrational emotional response on our part has left an imprint. Every time we have looked afraid around their choices, they recall. Every time we have offered unsolicited advice, they have logged the message that they cannot be trusted in their own choices.
Every moment we have raised our voice, we have sent a silent message that their choice does not meet our expectations, and thus they must be wrong. Every time we have tried to improve them, they conclude that they are not enough!
Every time we have shed a tear, we have broken the sense of well-being that they experienced in our womb.
All these encounters send whispers to them, leaving a trail of taboo topics that should not be discussed with honesty with us. The truth never lies. Anxiety, worry, criticism and desires to help them be “better” all lead to doors of communication to be shut.
When we are vulnerable enough to trust all their initiatives, able to support their wish, in full acceptance that they will be shown the way to success via their own gut and their own inner voice, we raise kids that are happy to talk with us.
They love to discuss, even those topics that are usually off agenda, when we don’t interfere. We stay vulnerable to simply loving them unconditionally and dropping our own control, and in return they reassure us through deeply meaningful connection and communication.
2. Fears and our hidden Psyche, Responsibility is ours!: The Mind
If our children have seen us conscientiously understand our own triggers, and our own fears, and have seen us act as a Role Model finding his/her way to transform dilemmas and insecurities, they soon reap the benefits in more ways than could be imagined. We have taken responsibility for the emotions that belong to us, and shown them the way to take full responsibility for their own insecurities too.
We model the actions by showing them that no-one is born perfect. That helps our children to understand that fears are part of life, and that they require effort to transcend. If we model transcendence in an open way, they become open with us too. We become fellow human beings journeying alongside them, and no longer just the authority that knows better!
As we stop dumping our own fears of the unknown onto our children, we make room for real strength to evolve. Our children can feel the confidence that they are trusted and perceived to be capable of making their own choices. We no longer limit their freedom in any inadvertent way and their creative innocence stays part of who they are!
They feel in our energy and our interactions the sense of well being, and suddenly all communication channels open towards honesty again. Our children begin to understand that they are safe to expose their own vulnerabilities, especially since our interactions no longer are tainted with our own fears. We become a guiding authority that they want to have support from.
If we can model through stories, our own breakthrough during moments of fear, we begin to be cheerleaders helping them to find the same strength and courage within themselves too. There is no better gauge of open communication, than when our children feel a solid ability to trust themselves within.
3. Our Moments of Failure and Connection with our Creativity: The Experiences
It is extremely important that life is seen as an adventure in which we learn more through falling than we do through winning. Our children can stay open to communicating with us most, when they see that their moments of failure are celebrated, rather than condemned or compared with others.
This is best done by sharing our own moments of failure without self judgment. If all life experiences are modelled as opportunities for growth and evolution, all challenges can be seen as times for our creative genius to flourish.
We lay a foundation in which our children will stay open to what life is urging them to discover about themselves, and we minimize stress and harmful self condemnation.
If our children are guided to see that they are the creators of their own experiences, and that nothing in life is random, the victim mentality is eradicated. Our children stay open to share their feelings around the hurdles that they are facing, without feeling “less than”.
Failure does not get seen as a taboo concept, and thus relaxation and open-ness remains at the core of our childs’ life. The unknown can be seen as an opportunity to learn with excitement. Success is thus measured as internal happiness.
The voice inside the head stays optimistic and grateful, and our energy communicates without holding back, as life is seen as a garden in which we get to blossom, rather than as a weed that is destined to be destroyed, judged or condemned.