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Ask yourself how attractive a need is? When someone wants something from you, how willing are you to give? Is it not more fulfilling to give when someone is not asking or demanding anything from you?

Does it not feel more exciting and inviting to offer when someone is least expecting it?

Ask yourself where you got the idea that you “need” anything from anyone outside of you? Is it not true that as a child ALL of your needs had to met by your parents, and had they not you would have died? It is an imprint gained by all of us simply by virtue of the fact that human beings can not be self sufficient when born…and for many years thereafter.

Can you remember the day that you suddenly became aware that all your needs could and should now be self-fulfilled? I don’t recall such a transition or even any learning guiding me to do so. I thought love was to receive!!

I had no idea that love emanates from within us and that we could access our own form to self nurture. It did not cross my mind that my needs should not be fulfilled by someone outside of me…… and  I had no idea that I was meant to stand in my own two feet when it comes to love?

I certainly do not recall such a transition. All the love stories and conditionings and songs seemed to show a :live forever happily ever after story!

When we are “needy” for attention we unfortunately undermine our own life. We have no idea that it leaves us feeling like a slave to another.

It may seem simple to evaluate cognitively but in reality, we all have grown up bodies, but inside little people frozen at the age of 5 or 6, still need to be nurtured by others. It is a bit of a shock to discover that in real life, we have to grow up and fulfill our own needs and only if we have done so, do we become even slightly attractive!!

The strangest thing of all is that in each encounter, two needy people come together, each looking to the other to plug their holes, and each wondering why there is dissatisfaction.


As kids we are scared. We are scared of authority. We don’t know how to trust ourselves. We don’t even know that we have an inner gut instinct that is guiding us which is always honest to what we should be doing and following.

We look to others for advice. We look for direction. We have no idea that our weakness and insecurity comes from knowing that we are going to die and because the future is so uncertain. We have a lot to be scared about and all the adults look like they have it all figured out.

We are afraid to make mistakes. We are afraid to take risks. We are afraid to tackle the new. We are afraid of how we are being evaluated. We are afraid of how we are being accepted.

But if we are weak, why should our partner find us attractive? If we can’t trust our decisions and cannot lead the course of our life, why should anyone feel like spending time with us. If we don’t take responsibility for our life, why should anyone bother with us?  Our weakness can fast become a reason to manipulate us, to take advantage of us.

Have you ever asked yourself whether the people around us who look like they have it all figured out: Have they erased their fears? or are they pretending? Is it phoney?

All weakness exists because we have not yet seen our strengths. We often have not been guided to do so. If we do not own our strengths we attract partners that undermine us. We give our power away.

But the craziest part of all, is that our strength comes from embracing our vulnerability. It is the acknowledging of the weakest part of us and facing that honestly, that gives us the courage to embrace the other aspects within us that effortlessly shine.


How does it feel if someone lets you down? How does it feel when you get a message that you are not enough and you begin to believe it? How does it feel to be alienated, judged, laughed at, or to be different.

Any sense that you get that makes you feel incomplete or wounded, sends off a vibration of insufficiency and of course is completely unattractive again. Feeling wounded strips away your confidence. And yet we are all born with wounds in different areas. Mine were wounds in my friendship house- when at school I felt like the outsider.

If we have been wronged, we fall into complaining and blaming, thinking that is the just way of dealing with reality. How wrong could we be!? Life is asking us to get past the wounds, let them go, and embrace full love for our presence, after we have learnt the hidden lessons.

BEING UNDERMINED IN OUR RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT CLAIMING OUR POWER. And all power can only be claimed once we take responsibility for our own needs, plug the holes of our perceived weaknesses and focus on our strengths instead. Once we transcend the negative impacts of fuelling our wounds, life rewards us with acknowledgement of our worth, and alongside it, companions that appreciate us at that same level.

Unless we value ourselves, why should anyone else? The key to valuing our inherent nature is self awareness. As we use the torch of consciousness to transform our insecurities, wounds and needs, we heighten in self awareness and self love. The rest in life simply falls into place and sorts itself out. We do our part, and existence does the rest.

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