Competition
Finding our uniqueness sets us free, but we are not educated to look for that sadly. The education system often fuels the idea of competition, the winner, the best!! But in order to have the “best” there then has to be the “worst”, or those that are “less than”. One cannot exist without the other.
I watched prize giving day at my youngest daughters’ school recently, and could see the delight for those being rewarded and recognized, and simultaneously see the damage being done for others.
For, with a birds eye view, it is obvious we haven’t looked to see what type of pain is being inflicted by labelling someone as “less than” or worst? Whether it is said or not, it is still felt.
Uniqueness through Self- Awareness
Unique for sure we are…..but good or bad is an ugly way of looking at things.
Prizes should be awarded to everyone to acknowledge their differences and unique flair, but our schooling system and society is not structured in that way. It is set up to fuel the idea of “less than” and exacerbate insecurities.
I have been committed to “mothering” my children with the aspirations of each of them not competing with one another since their early “baby days” – this has been done to help them know that they each are important in their own right. The four year gap between them all has helped to reinforce this idea, as no direct comparison was never really possible at home. However school has reinforced the idea of competition, and I have had to pedal really hard, to help them grow in self-awareness to see the folly of such competition. They do, to be better than before, for themselves only- not for others and not in a race against others either.
Healthy Self-Respect
“I am important” being born within them, is still slightly competitive, as it could mean some actions taken by them suggest that “you are not so important” instead of the awareness “I am unique and beautiful, just as YOU are”. This is much healthier. We are all beautiful and unique.
I am important is about “me, me, me”. I am unique and beautiful is about self-respect and respect for others too. It is ironically not self centred at all. And for all relationships to flourish, respect is a big foundational glue.
My wish is that the opportunity to have broader wisdom based understandings be offered to our children at school, and be spread far and wide. This is so necessary as an update to our current education system, to help our human family to awaken to what is possible for them in a more unified and evolved world.
Avoid Comparisons
Never compare your children, even if it happens inadvertently. Show them their uniqueness. It is really important that everyone sees how their individual presence is necessary and unique.
In the end of course, no outside validation will ever be enough to help our children to feel secure within. I can repeatedly tell my kids something about their own strengths, but until they see them, the conversation is all totally useless.
So they have to acknowledge their own beauty for themselves- be able to see their own uniqueness, and until they do, we parents can only guide them to expand their self-awareness.
Role Model Vulnerabilities
And the easiest way, is to role model through transforming our own insecurities first. Be open about them. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Inspire through your own actions. Every fear fuels an insecurity. Every moment of control fuels attempts to hide an insecurity. Every emotional trigger stems from insecurity.
Adopt a System to Change
So, these are the steps that I have used to help myself and my children at times.
- – first we notice where we are held back
- – then we encourage acknowledgement of what is happening and its associated restriction
- – a contemplation of whether we would benefit from change is considered next through conversation and discussion
- – subject to an inner urge to want more, a desire to overcome may be catalyzed within at this point
- – and then the action to transform the insecurities follows
- – use the dalian method to break free by understanding the insecurity and grow in new awareness
- – watch new behaviour from within spontaneously unfold and watch the magic of how the old fear has lost its power
- – feel the related inner strength within
- – notice how the outside circumstances of life have improved and the old catalyst triggering change has stopped happening
- – enjoy life until the next new area of constriction reveals itself
Layer by layer this is possible. It takes courage to delve in, but it is totally worth it.
