Honesty And Integrity

 Age and Outer Looks

I remember at around 14/15 years old asking my mum if something inside her was staying the same, as I had some sense that my inside was beyond age. I had tasted an important truth early .. (even though I didn’t fully understand the repercussions of this insight)

So if outer looks don’t matter, what does, as Mada eloquently describes is “the honesty and integrity by which we live”- and this, takes courage to harness.

Being honest is tough in a world where politics are at play, insincerity is often rewarded ahead of transparency, and obedience/agreement is classified as better than challenge/conflict. Saying it as you see it, is often not paletable. This applies to me as much as anyone else around me. Seeing the stark truth of someone, if it differs to our own ideas, can be very shocking.

A truthful person is not driven by outside approval but more by their own moral compass. Such people are sometimes not liked, seen as difficult, often used as a scapegoat, as being authentic is not always appreciated by those around us. Sometimes my eldest daughter says things that take me aback….and yet always she is crystal clear in her honesty. One word expressed by me, may be misunderstood by her, as that word means something different to her, as compared with the essence of what I might have been trying to get across.

So showing your authentic self can lead to judgment from those around you, which then has to be managed on top of the point you were trying to make.

 Fear

Learning how to be honest and live by integrity, is a work in progress for most of us though. Fear gets in the way. The fear to be shunned and criticized, the fear to not be accepted are major hurdles one faces. These fears prevent family dynamics from flowing with ease at times.

It has taken a long time to face the fears behind the social masks 🎭 I have worn, and I continue to act despite them, one moment at a time. With some people it is easier to be fearless, but with others it is very difficult. The more we are accepted for being who we are, the easier it is of course.

Yesterday I cried at the realization that I won’t be seeing much of my youngest daughter in person soon, and yet I fully understand the cognitive advantages of letting go and accepting the upcoming change …. A simple clash arose between the emotion I felt and my “big picture” understanding of life. The attachment that I have to her and my current known reality won in that moment and I found myself feeling sorry for myself that I will see her so little. Moments like this make me feel like I should know better than to cry. At other times these same type of moments make me realize what else my spiritual self now needs to address and overcome.

 Integrity

I try to role model authenticity for my kids when it comes to expressing emotions and personal perspectives, even if difficult things have to be said, but sometimes it feels easier to just keep quiet and not face the music. The challenges that arise are sometimes deeper than one wants to truly deal with afterwards. This is especially hard when who you are dealing with is a “mirror” to your own blindspots

Many times my kids lead this path for me, to show me what is possible, when they have greater courage in the moment, than even I am able to canvas….

 Patience, As we Know Better, We do Better

Change doesn’t arise overnight but what is important, is that we try to become better than where we have been ….. to this I am truly committed.

In the end happiness is an inside job, so our externals have little to do with how we COULD respond, although much of what actually happens is sadly simply action reaction! In fact I had no idea that happiness was an inside job.

I simply believed that it is was my responsibility to react to everything that has been said and defend myself wherever necessary. But action reaction can become a butting of heads, where no one wins and no one feels understood either. Finding our internal happiness, beyond the externals takes committed inner work…. but I do know it is possible.

As a big human family lets’ strive to work on honesty and integrity…..as it has the potential of setting us free from all the shackles of separation that our human mind can effortlessly create in all its’ judgments.. A win win for all.
❤️❤️❤️