To get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life because our struggles determine our successes.
Thanks for visiting me here! I love connecting with people one on one, and am thrilled that you have found your way to this page. Below I have shared answers to some questions people sometimes ask me, along with some personal photos to give you a quick peek into “Who I am” so that we can get to know each other.
What do I enjoy most about the work I do?
I enjoy inspiring Executives, Leaders, Business Entrepreneurs, Parents and their children! I delight in watching adults step into greater peace & fulfillment! To me it is all about knowing how to “look after yourself!” After all, in our hectic lives, how often do we get to explore how to really help ourselves, as we fulfill the demanding job of nurturing others? We can feel stressed, tired, overwhelmed, overworked, “in the rat- race”, and more…not knowing how to stop the autopilot of the drivers behind all of this and find some meaningful internal peace and contentment!
I love to help parents and children come to harmony. Mostly I get involved to bring peace when conflict driven by emotional triggers of misunderstanding, anxiety, self doubt etc impacts a family unit. My mission is to help parents acquire the tools and strategies to help their children thrive and claim their inherent self worth! In that process, the parents blossom as well, knowing how to offload their own control and worry. I strongly believe that when parents learn how to “lead with conscious purpose”, a future generation of self-motivated leaders will be born from within the home. I am showing you how to be the CEO in the home and create conscious leaders for a better future.
As for executives, each of us have inherited blind spots that came from our parents or through programming received at school or religion about what it means to be successful. My objective is to help leaders get past unconscious biases and judgments that damage, and show them how be equipped with efficient tools to improve the inclusiveness, connection, care and diversity in their life.
Important to me is witnessing the broad smiles on the face of executives and entrepreneurs, as they experience a new form of liberation from old stressors and strains. They too can hardly believe their new state! It makes a refreshing change to live in an energized way that feels so sweet and effortlessly peaceful.
What kind of work did I do before I got into this?
I grew up in Kent in the UK, about 25 miles south of London, as the eldest of five children. One of my very first jobs, at around age 6 or so, was to translate for my parents, as they did not speak English. Without realizing it, I had been introduced to mediation, communicating concepts that were beyond my understanding, as all too often I was attempting to explain medical concepts and aspects on the news that I did not follow around war and destruction. At School, my parents could not readily assist me with my education, and thus I learnt to be self-motivated and developed how to “problem solve”. My success depended on me, and naturally I became proficient at self-leadership and how to get past perceived obstacles!
I qualified as a Chartered Accountant in 1986, and took my problem solving abilities to the Corporate World, working in “Corporate Finance” for a top five Accountancy firm in the UK. I worked on projects that required solutions to complex questions. Responsible for due diligence reports on “How and which organization should merge, be sold, or floated on the stock exchange” became my new role in life.
I also worked on behalf of banks looking to see if their investment was appropriately protected. Again, much like in my childhood, I was dealing with concepts that were initially beyond my understanding and I learned how to simplify them in order to communicate proficiently to vested parties that may have differing interests.
Eventually in 1989 I became a Finance Director for a facilities management company riddled with commercial problems, and successfully turned it around from a loss making, cash draining company into a thriving, system based, profit and cash generating platform.
This success then led me to be appointed as the CEO in 1997, responsible for 3000 people. We increased our turnover to $125m from $45m, repositioned our organization through new branding and systems, professionalized through radically changing the personnel and human resource policies and enjoyed much success until 2004.
I often was amongst the youngest in the board rooms that became my home, and usually the sole female voice amongst male counterparts. I also learnt what it meant to compete as a female that came from an ethnic origin too, and navigate the unconscious bias that naturally got expressed around me.
How did I enter the field of helping parents entrepreneurs, executives, youth and children?
After I sold some of my organization in 2004 and put the rest into voluntary liquidation, I left my corporate role of leadership feeling empty and lacking purpose. The demise of my time in leadership was difficult to swallow and I had only just reached 40 years old. I felt laden with anxious feelings about my future and angst around the way that matters had unfolded in my past. I now had deeper questions lurking inside me.
Soon after that, in May 2005 my youngest sister had a car accident in which she became paralyzed just a few weeks before we were due to walk a marathon across London streets together. Dismayed and shocked by this crisis I plunged into looking for more solutions, and this time for problems that seemed impossible to solve.
A few weeks later, with a heavy heart I decided to walk the marathon on my own, spending most of that long 26 mile walk contemplating what to do for my sister, still lying paralyzed in a hospital. You know what I did? I went through the finish line twice and collected a medal for her too!
I began to question why we have creativity only to see destruction. I was disillusioned, watching my sister in her new found situation,
However, the straw that broke the camels back was when my husband and I decided to move to Vancouver in Canada, in 2006. Within a year I became depressed, struggling with being isolated from family and friends back in the UK, and not having a career to escape from my internal feelings of loneliness.
Looking back, I realize my depression had been triggered by my lack of identity in anything familiar to preoccupy me… too much time with me and my head and an aching emptiness. I also had no prior training on how to deal with my emotions-having learnt to swallow back and suppress them, in order to “hold it all together”.
My relationship with my husband was disintegrating at great speed too, under the pressure of the move to a new country, and my lack of motivation to step back into the old treadmill of life. I had lost faith in the human body, after seeing my sister’s life tragically altered. I had lost faith in relationships, watching my own falling apart. I had lost faith in concepts of material success, feeling empty handed, knowing the American dream of money had left me feeling I had nothing else to conquer.
Desperate for answers to my questions “What is the point of suffering”? “How do I get out of my inner angst?” I scoured hungrily through every book I could find to fix my life. I entered the realm of self-help books, and this took me into a new path, more in the direction of psychology and something I refer to as “Inward self discovery and new leadership”- which I now recognize as conscious leadership principles.
Eventually in 2008, an extraordinary book fell off the shelf and landed at my feet called “In Search of the Miraculous- Healing into Consciousness” by Eliza Mada Dalian. Therein lay the answers to all my questions and the truth was shared with me, transferred as invisible energy on the pages. A deep sense of relaxation arose and I suddenly felt safe, that I had found the way out of my inner angst and pain.
How did I recover from depression and fix my relationship with my husband?
With the discovery of Mada’s book, I was ecstatic to find her living in Vancouver. She was offering one-on-one help through her healing sessions, so I invested in myself and took the plunge to delve into my vulnerable psyche. Unlike anything else that I had read so far and tried, Mada worked with the body and not the mind. I knew this was the right course, because solutions through the mind were no longer assisting me.
Mada had created a way of going directly into the cells of the body, bypassing the mind talk, and releasing and transforming the root cause of emotional, physical and mental problems. Bingo…right to the root cause and bam….eradicated forever! I healed from severe back pain, menstrual problems, underactive thyroid condition, migraines, hives and knee swelling at a physical level, as my body found ways to reset itself into wellness.
Best of all were the rewards emotionally. I transformed my fears of “not being good enough”, of “not conforming”, of “failure”, of “death”, of “needing approval”, of “ criticism and judgment”, of “being a mum and not earning money”, of “claiming my gifts”, of “shining”, of “ my real responsibility to myself and my fulfillment”, and so much more.
With each layer dissolved, I saw that my outside life began to improve, and I experienced less anger, comparison, upset and grief. These states were no longer being triggered and instead I was beginning to embody increased states of well-being, love and acceptance for myself and others around me. I began to grow in a new form of confidence as my gifts started to shine more brightly and my world purpose began to reveal itself. My relationship with my husband corrected itself and so did my understanding of real leadership….Inward self discovery- A new leadership as I call it.
I saw that life is not a set of random events, but instead it is being created by our thoughts, hidden deep within the cells of our body. I realized that life does not happen to me, it happens through me! I am not a victim of my life’s circumstances, but that I am a channel that allows life to be expressed through me, so that I might heal into greater self awareness , grow in consciousness and find unity, self-love and compassion.
I dedicated 7 years of my life volunteering alongside Mada and then trained as a facilitator of her technique called the Dalian Method in April 2015. I am one of 16 people in the world currently trained to offer guidance with this method and of course more pioneers will join us too in due course . We all work together under the Dalian School of health and Consciousness. We each can help you to eradicate the root cause of any suffering that is being experienced, either emotionally or physically.
During the last ten-year period of personal development with Mada Dalian, I helped to empower my own three children through key moments in their life and they overcame non-serving imprints that they had inadvertently picked up from us, their parents. They learnt how to avoid putting attention on worry, how to trust their own inner voice, how to be decisive and clear about their choices, even if their peers were asking for something else. They also learnt about their own fears of survival and their fear to be alone, as they navigated the difficult path of a cancer diagnosis for Surinder, my husband, in 2012 followed by another one in 2014. They each learnt how to discern and make wise choices for themselves.
These life experiences helped me to see that organically I had been walking towards my life purpose of assisting other family leaders facing challenges, and executives into greater fulfillment, by showing them the path to greater peace, unity, connection and happiness. I had been inadvertently walking the path of understanding conscious leadership, something that is a fundamental part of being an effective business leader and influencer for a better world. I also had understood the human mental and emotional condition and how to transcend the limitations of the mind when it comes to matters of the heart.
What does it mean to be a facilitator of the Self Empowering Dalian Method?
It means that it is safe to share your struggles with me, since I have faced my own and have no judgment of others facing their challenges. My willingness to open to outside-the-box ideas and seek solutions that irrevocably work, is what I am sharing.
In 2014, I founded SPARK EXPANSION CONSULTING LTD, offering one-on-one help, seminars, consulting programs and virtual trainings (via skype or zoom) to help parents overcome conflict in the home, challenges with self confidence and self trust, and guidance on how to overcome fears, anxieties that surface, so that everyone is empowered, happy, and self motivated.
In 2016, I began to extend this work into associations and organizations. Helping groups of people in workshop settings initially and then tailoring personalized programs for executives.
In 2018, I became the president of the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers, Vancouver and BC Chapter, having served as treasurer in 2016 and programming director in 2017 and extended the share of this work through conferences as a keynote speaker.
I show parents how to be as quick and nimble as a CEO of a corporation, and be able to navigate the demands of family life successfully, so that everyone thrives!
I show executives and leaders how to embody their role without being encumbered by their unconscious bias and judgments, so they can respond to the competitive demands appropriately and minimise stress.
No challenge is a challenge too far for the self Empowering Dalian Method.
What do I enjoy doing when I am not working?
I love getting dressed up and dancing.
I really enjoy writing poetry and every birthday or Christmas my three children receive their heart filled moments of communication from me through my poetry. I love transferring my deepest wishes for them in this way. In fact siblings, and friends also get treasured in the same way.
When I turned 50, I was delighted to be surprised by my youngest daughter who offered me a poem back to celebrate my special day
I also drive everyone crazy, taking photos at every opportunity. My kids are probably the most photographed in history, but it gives me such joy, I cannot stop frustrating them. They have learnt how to smile picture perfect for me, whether they are at home in their onesies, or are out being treated on holiday or in a restaurant!
And of course, there is walking and trekking that I adore. I cannot resist a good walk on my own or with friends and family.
What are some things about me that hardly anyone else knows?
When I was growing up, I worked on farms and picked “peas” to make small contributions of money for the family. I would go to bed with my hair combed in plaits so that I did not have to wake up too early. (thanks to my mother’s ingenuity)
My parents are adorable people. They’re both extremely hard- working, loving and caring, and live way too far from me….back in the UK. I have both of their photos parked on my bedside table, along with my crystal Buddha. That is how I see them, my first and greatest loving teachers.
At school my biggest moment of embarrassment was when I had been recognized for my reading ability and was asked to read to the headmaster as a reward to “show off” my success. Unfortunately when I got to him, I was asked to read the word “tongue”, and not having come across it before, I said it phonetically as “tong…goo”. I felt so bad at having let myself down!
I was stunned by Swarovski crystal and its rainbow effects as a child and vowed I would purchase pieces when I could afford it. Rainbows have always mesmerized me. At around age 23ish I started collecting Swarovski and now I have way too much to display, much to the chagrin of my husband! My favorite piece is my crystal Buddha. Of course I collect Swarovski jewelry too!
I love stage musicals, and at every opportunity will go to watch in London or New York. Of course I cannot sing, having tried three times to get into the school choir unsuccessfully! My most favorite show was Les Miserables, no doubt to reflect the sadness in my heart and also the ideal of escaping hardship! The depth of connection I have felt each time I watched, cannot be put into words, and stirs me, even as I write this. The triumph from that darkness is really how I see my own life too.
I love to have a go at adventurous things but often get into sticky situations. On the ski slope, my son and daughter had to watch me slide down on my backside, ski trousers full of snow, when suddenly I froze and my boots would not go back into my skis!
Even whilst being taught with an instructor in Europe, I insisted that the instructor had been too hasty in taking me up a steep mountain and I refused to ski down. (I found myself parked on the back of his skis as he brought me down!!!)
I gave birth to each of my three children naturally, only using a TENS machine, being very keen not to take medications, not even gas and air. When it came to delivering my youngest daughter, the net result of the above decision was to find myself bed bound unable to walk, since the birth had taken longer than a day, and I had insisted on doing it my way, despite the doctors wanting to speed things up with their intervention! My husband carried me on his back to visit a chiropractor so that I could be put back together. Lol.
I love great endings, and anything that defies the “Humpty Dumpty Who Had a Great Fall” story, because it is wonderful when all is patched up again!
Little things I’m working on improving about myself:
Taking vitamins more consistently.
Exercise with more regularity.
De clutter with greater enthusiasm
Take risks to add a new adventure to my life every year.
What are some of my favorite places in the world?
- Seychelles
- Maui
- Vancouver
- Disney Florida
- Bahamas- Atlantis
- Venice, Italy
- India
- Paris and London.
I share at the end of the “about me” page, the poem that Saphren gave me for my 50th. It still tickles me so much! Together we parents get to enjoy similar triumphs in our individual homes. God Bless.
Together we entrepreneurs and executives get to feel similar joy in connection with ourselves and our colleagues at work, as the bulk of our working hours are spent this way, we might as well be truly fulfilled!
Am I Kindi? or is that just a name?
Am I an Accountant? or is that just a qualification?
Am I Indian? or is that just the lineage I was born into ?
Am I my body? or is that just the temporary mass that one day will turn to dust?
Am I my mind? or is that just a collection of data and previous experiences accumulated?
Am I my emotions? or are they just impermanent reactive states?
Am I my achievements and the roles I perform? or are these just activities I have engaged in?
Am I separate? or is that just an illusion?
Am I a puppet? or driven by love, a bigger game?
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
Who is the voice inside my head?
Who is asking these questions?
Who is breathing?
Who is aging everyday?
Who is talking?
Who is writing?
Who is deciding what to do?
Who likes glitzy clothing?
Who enjoys poetry?
Who hikes and walks in nature?
Who loves to be on the ocean with the wind in her hair?
Who loves to hug?
Who is watching all of this as it arises?
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
If I knew “who I am” then I would know “who you are too”.
To know this would be the miracle…………the most amazing human miracle on this earth…the way to feeling truly whole inside!
No division. Simple unity. Integration. Acceptance. Relaxation. True life. Love.
