Its’ been a privilege to grow as a “mother” developed over the last 24.5 years. None of us are born with a text book in our back pocket. Some actions were
- others learnt from my parents, and
- some simply came with experience,
based on what was unfolding in my family life and my curiosity to explore and learn. No text book could have given me what I now know. Only experience in the school of life proved to be my true teacher.
As I got challenged, I looked to change my reactions to responses.
Leading a home, and raising children is both a rewarding and tough process. Our love is stretched and questioned beyond our wildest anticipation as we navigate our duties. We are on duty because
- we are available 24 hours a day, with no holiday.
- we are in constant giving mode,
- we play the role of a “nobody”
- we have to practice humility and patience, AND simultaneously
- we gain a deep reverence and gratitude for our own presence.
Our love at times moves from being totally unconditional to fleeting moments where conditions come in to shake us up!!…….and that can prove to be a real eye opener.
- Our boundaries and responsibilities become merged and unclear at times,
- we manage the day to day existence of those that are dependent, and
- we prioritize the welfare of our children ahead of our own needs over and over.
it is no wonder that we react at times, and forget to respond!
- We worry about matters that are out of our hands.
- We get manipulated as our children see our weaknesses.
- We become automated in our reactions,
- We discover we are parroting behaviours seen in our own childhood.
We tread a thin tightrope every day, carefully juggling the role of the “authority” as well as the “safety” for our offspring. One tilt the wrong way, and all trust can be broken. So much is being asked of us, and yet one day, we have to gracefully let go, to allow them the full freedom to flourish with their own wings.
To be a mother is a true task of brilliant leadership
To be a mother, who empowers each day, is one of the most undervalued and underrated roles on this planet and yet simultaneously I cannot help but see that it is one of the most important too.
This has an irony of its own! Females are often suppressed and curtailed in their opportunities, and yet in them lies the true answer to facilitate a better and more united & peaceful world. To be such a mother is a true task of brilliant leadership.
A mother is more important than the CEO
A mother is responsible through her actions and words for far more than is clearly obvious. The children she caretakes, have the potential to become the torch-bearing leaders of a brighter or duller future, all based on her acumen to lead. Is this not incredible? As most mothers are given no formal education in leadership………yet so much is bestowed into their hands!
How each child processes and experiences life at home,
- will determine how empowered they will feel to be self-sufficient.
- They will either contribute their skills openly with confidence,
- or shy away from the task, if cloaked in insecurity and fear.
- The less freedom and opportunity to express with honesty and authenticity in the home,
- the more disempowered the child might become in their impact with others.
- They either conform, living with fear, unable to expose who they truly are,
- or they might rebel and stay in reactivity….which in itself is another prison.
- The greater the pressure to perform to outside expectations,
- the more uncertain a child might become about experiencing life fully, driven by fear of making mistakes!
- They might even fall into self judgment if they wish to take a path less travelled.
- The greater the list of demands placed on them to conform to status quo or religious doctrines,
- the less free spirited the child might feel, and
- thus the less capable to take risks, attempt new things and possibly never find what they truly enjoy.
After all, a child is here to find their unique gift, to find their own dignity and significant place in life. Each mother has the task of helping them to flower….this is a very big calling, if fully understood.
A CEO, although revered, has much less loyalty and devotion to his or her teams, and thus the management style is often not tested in quite the same way, as a mother will be tested! Her interactions are under daily scrutiny, and as she learns how to flower herself, she finds the tools to equip her children with the “how to” to do the same. A CEO might find that his priority is to the bottomline and not to the people he or she employs. Building care, connection and confidence might be far down on his or her priority list, and yet without emphasis on these qualities people are disabled in their spirit.
A wise mother is the mother of the future
For a mother however, her children will push her, and take her to her edges, if she is devoted to freedom, unconditional love and acceptance as her primary agenda.
- Each time she is pushed into reaction,
- she will have an opportunity to see the mystery of beliefs that lie within her….
- to see if they come from society,
- from religious doctrines,
- from personal trauma etc etc.
If she follows the tradition of what has been, she will risk being a dinosaur in a fast changing world….and the generation gap will be felt very strongly. So she has the responsibility of adapting to modern times to modern sensitivities….a true chief emotional officer of the home.
- She has to be on guard not to accept injustices towards her own expression
- but at the same time, not stifle the expression of her children either.
- To keep their individuality in tact is her key priority.
- She must never suffocate or force them to act like sheep.
- She has to grow into a very wise mamma,
- showing them the way to their unknowable potential.
For this she has to be rooted in the knowing that she knows nothing about their lives…..they are simply travellers that came to commune in her presence.
To incorporate wisdom in our endeavours as mothers- to stay grounded and support our children consciously is a very sophisticated art. It is the only way in which we each grow and evolve with dignity. Self awareness is an absolute key to clearing up areas of conflict and disharmony, rather than brushing them under the carpet or accepting them as a norm!
- We have to be very deliberate about leading without imposing fear and control and
- stay completely alert.
- It is so easy to amplify feelings of insecurity and unworthiness in our children with inappropriate actions,
- and yet at the same time we have to ensure that they do not feel entitled or
- become arrogant as we shower them with our love.
Leading without fear and control takes time and lots of effort. (in fact it can be tempting to use reward and punishment since it is often easier and quicker to implement). Because of this effort, many of us will avoid such parenting styles without understanding that this short cut, has grave longer term consequences!
- We are underestimating that we are taking care of a “consciousness”,
- a potential flowering as we raise our child, and
- it would be devastating if the ground for such flowering has been damaged by fear, and mistrust.
It is almost a sacred calling that we take on as mothers, and we certainly grow into this full responsibility progressively over life.
- Much misery and depression is rampant in our world, because
- each generation does not know or have the right tools to help them
- to overcome their limiting and sabotaging patterns.
- Devotion and loyalty to ourselves as human beings is left compromised and
- in this way people keep stepping further and further away from their true calling,
- leading only a partially fulfilling life.
If each mother would happily embrace the path of incorporating wisdom in her parenting, it would prove to be a priceless gift in her home.
The old reality of
- lack of communication,
- inauthenticity evaporates as self awareness and wisdom increases.
A new reality of
- inner power,
- and the ability to make self sufficient
- independent decisions arises for our children.
Conscious Parenting is the liberating way forward
To clean up our own unconsciousness (blindspots) is absolutely necessary if we are to stop inadvertently passing on our own limiting patterns to our children…
- be they indecisiveness,
- loyalty to the wrong aspects of life like societal or
- religious doctrines,
- or our own anxieties and fears.
I have found many hidden unconscious beliefs that lived quietly in the cells of my body- some that came from generational conclusions, and others that were personal to my specific life. We do not want our children
- to be looking outside of themselves to feel their own value!
- They should not be affected by every opinion,
- judgment or conclusion about them
- This thinking bears no real relevance to their magnificence.
- They should not be focused on outcome, outcome, and outcome to understand their value.
- Self value , quietly felt inside themselves, should be known to them early in life.
- They should not fear that they are not enough,
- nor live with a low sense of self confidence!!
It becomes essential to break such chains to conditionings and conclusions that do not serve our well being, and avoid them from being passed onto our offspring. As we clean up something in ourself as a parent, the chord that was forcing the same to unfold in our children snaps, and the chain to sabotaging patterns fall away in them too.
To understand our emotions…the purpose behind them, helps us to face our vulnerabilities and identify the virtue of our own internal guidance system. Progressively we learn how to become centered in our responses.
Our emotions show us
- our needs,
- unfulfilled aspirations,
- dreams and
- our connection to self-love,
- our expectations of others and ourselves,
- our fears and so much more!
I am astounded at how many nuances drive our instinctive reactions, and how many fears affect our personality. Some fears are so subtle and others more blatant.
Whichever their form, they lead to
- reactivity of anger or tears,
- neediness or worry,
- anxiety or depression.
None of these reactive states embody real strength and confidence. They leave us feeling incomplete. It is only in the absence of reactivity that our sanity and peace is felt. Thus it is important to understand that reactivity has to change to a grounded response. A response that comes from wisdom and maturity that always surfaces after we dig for the roots that perpetuate or cause the cycle of our blinded reactions.
The reactions themselves are not the problem. They simply alert us to a follow up action that is required, and that is of finding liberation through transformation. To transform and overcome such blindspots and take responsibility for our own growth, helps each of our children to have a new form of education to rely on.
This education emphasizes how success and contentment is not driven by outside outcomes and goals, whether that be of grades, wealth and possessions. It is an internal job. An internal state of hope and optimism, joy and excitement, peace and tranquility. This education offers understanding on what it means to be a human being and how our human “condition” is felt in a universal way, where divisions created by religion, colour or gender, all fall away.
The future looks promising
The importance of self discovery will be learnt and practiced early on if our children have it as part of their day to day life.
- Our kids will automatically become more responsible for their life and
- be motivated to take charge rather than be passive.
- They will understand their spiritual state
- alongside their mental state,
- never pushing one to be a higher priority over the other.
- With this balance in tact, they will become individuals who adopt a wholesome approach to living…
- that has independence,
- fearlessness and
- empowered strength at its core.
None of our children will feel insecure or hold back as a result. They will naturally learn to place less attention on fixing issues in their lives and greater awareness to transform their issues….as this is the only purpose of adverse issues in the first place.
They will understand
- true confidence rather than the form that is driven by fake personas.
- They will grow in empathy and compassion,
- knowing that is the key to their individual growth.
- They will live to serve everyone,
- and not just their selfish needs,
- and with that their actions will have purity behind them.
- They will live in less judgement and division.
- They will share their gifts readily and not compete or compare with one another.
In total, they will help to contribute to a world that becomes kinder and more genuine because of their tiny contribution.
In the end, all moments of friction amongst relationships have potential in them. The potential to learn and become more empathic. So acceptance of all that is, will become key in the psyche of our children, instead of feeling despair when things do not flow well.
And within that acceptance will be a sense of
- responsibility to explore,
- to find the silver linings, as they
- trust the mystery of each day.
As they learn to trust life, so they will surrender to each new day easily with joy and excitement, avoiding rigid resistance.
I earnestly look to encourage more and more parents to model this new way of living. The more of us that choose to grow in self awareness and take our consciousness to an elevated state, the faster we will all help our larger human family to be inclusive and tolerant. In this way, we will have more of what we want for our children, and that is their happiness! And simultaneously less of what we do not want, fear, hatred, division, and degradation. Lets work together to make this old history fall away…………