I have observed an interesting process about the mind in the last few days in particular….First I have quietly observed and noticed what my head is saying about a variety of topics….
How do I feel? About myself? About someone else?
Where does this feeling arise?
What is the difference between being alone and lonely?
Can we be understood and live in real unity and love?
Is my life what I want it to be? Am I perceiving everything as an illusion?
Why are negative emotions and division so rampant?
Why am I becoming so frustrated and sorrowful with myself recently?
Can we live without separation and judgment?
What about me? My desires? My fantasies? Are they all projections to keep me trapped in angst and misery?
Is “Who am I” a trick question?
Depending on the start point, the contemplation either gets heavier and heavier and boom, I am in a pit that gets deeper and deeper by the moment, the mind being very ready to reinforce the negativity OR
I have the potential to uplift myself into a new reality, if my starting thought is compassionate, inclusive, curious or open. The start thread of any thought determines the outcome of how I feel and how I engage with others around me. The implications of this internal thought process are huge, but at the same time, the mind appears to have a natural tendency to start with negativity.
Several times over the last few days, the start point of the thought chain has born no truth to what was actually happening objectively around me. One time I concluded inaccurately where my husband was and had associated thoughts only to find he was actually elsewhere. On another my sister in law misinterpreted something about her father, and I had witnessed the objective reality to be different to her conclusions. On another occasion my predictions around a client proved to be totally wrong…her experience was the polar opposite to my narrow interpretations.
In these last few days, I have watched my daughter try to articulate feelings she had during her childhood with her father. It was like watching TWO DIFFERENT MOVIES….neither were on the same screen as each other. Their minds were creating chaos of their own, unrelated to whatever was happening to the other in question. One saw everything from an internal movie that was playing inside her and the other from the internal movie playing for him. It took nearly 2 hours for a limited understanding to arise.
I watched myself engage in a similar process today…and again all my opinions, conclusions had NO SUBSTANCE to the real reality that was unfolding….and yet my mind felt very authoritative? Where does this authority come from? What is the point of this authority? It bears no truth to the real objective truth……..all its words have so much power and yet they simultaneously are tainted with subjective nonsense. Objectivity is to accept what has unfolded without charge, judgment, preference, inference, desire……….
Finally I read a chapter from Osho’s description of a verse from the Japji Sahib—our prayer book. This book is called “The TRUE name”, and I was towards the end of the full prayer, reading about our shameful state before grace descends, when we realize that we actually know nothing. Moreover the mind can never know through its’ filters, as all of them are totally subjective, based on not knowing our true nature, and its’ own irrelevance!
I sobbed as the words really struck home. I sobbed at the folly of thinking that my mind has had me believe that “I am”. If I had no perception of a separate me, no separate movie would be running internally! If it was possible to truly understood that there is only one centre, then the individual illusions and drama would ALL MIRACULOUSLY fall away.
There would be no division, upset, disharmony, misunderstandings. We would recognize that the idea of ” I am” is the biggest and fattest lie of all. With recognition of this lie, everything in reality changes.
As in this photograph above, there would be no beginning, no end, no separation, no mine, no yours….it would simply just be……Our human existence with one another would be so much more beautiful with this awareness too! No movies playing internally. An understanding that the mind knows nothing, so it is foolish to let it continue in the role of master of our life!
Only awareness expands our horizon, our curiosity, our openness and maintains our innocence. An understanding that the movie can fall away comes with the awareness that recognizes our true nature, when we finally see that there is no separateness, that no-one is alone, that we all come from one source and that source has ONLY one centre. Individually there is no such thing as “I am”, we are simply empty space. How can there be “I am”, when all of it is just empty space? Only then with this awareness, in this world we would have nothing to defend or protect. No wars. No fear. No judgment. Simply acceptance. Unity. Love. Peace. End of suffering.